Patio Vs. Carver: School's Almost Finished Edition

Hey guys, the semester is almost over and I haven't lined up a summer job. What do you suggest I do? Signed - Jeremy Jobless

P: Get a sweet job on campus, or become a prostitute like me.

C: Write for The Semantic. (don't you dare edit this out, Kate! MY VOICE WILL BE HEARD)

[It’s worth noting that (a) we definitely don’t get paid to do this, and (b) there will be no Summer Semantics, but I won’t edit it out anyways. -Ed.]

I don't want to be stuck in an office all summer, I want to see the world and travel. Where should I go, guys? Signed – Patrick Callbeck

P: You could do the whole backpacking in Europe thing, or you could just go to DISNEY WORLD! Oh Wait! I am going backpacking in Europe. 

C: You, and three friends may have the once and a week lifetime opportunity of hanging out with me, Carver. Send your cash only lump sum of $150 to B.O Pox 1289 Chicago, IL. You too can experience such attractions as: Watch me nap, grocery shopping, and playing Settlers of Catan.

Summer is soooo soon and I need your help! I need to lose weight so I can look good at the beach! Any suggestions? Signed – Arnold “Which Way To The Beach” M-Schwartz-cDonald

P: Just don't eat until summer. I bet you'll lose a couple pounds. 

C: ^False, Patio. You want to lose a couple 'lbs' by beach season? TOO LATE! It's always beach season somewhere. (joking) But seriously, send your cash only lump sum to.....

Exams are coming up and I think I am going to fail all of them! What should I do?!

P: IF ANYONE KNOWS...please phone me at....

C: Run for an Student Union Executive position next year