Owl is really fucking refreshing.

Review by Kate McKenna

I am so sick of (a) casiotone and/or minimalist gloomy tunes (a la Earlimart) and (b) cheerful, big twee bands (a la Boy Least Likely To).  Where is the middle ground?   It's nearing the end of Winter, and what I crave more than anything is warmth.  My craving is satisfied with Owl.

The Halifax duo has yet to release an album, but is generating waves in an already-buzzing music scene.  Comprised of too-cute-for-words couple Vanessa Murnaghan and Matthew MacDonald (Superfantastics), it's not surprising that their sound is warm, comforting, and pensive.  Matthew's steady and almost - is this an oxymoron? - natural programming compliments Vanessa's double tracked, steady, and at times euphoric vocals.  Given the strength of the latter, it's a testament to how well the two work together that MacDonald doesn't push it further with the programming.  In their brave cover of Deathcab's Passenger seat, Murnaghan's vocals replace the piano seemingly effortlessly.

Owl is one of the best new maritime acts in a time when new maritime acts are awesome.  Expect huge things from this band.

Sex with Sadie

Sex with Sadie is a new column to give advice to the carnally unfortunate. While some questions are all in fun, serious queries are more than welcome. Please email me at sexwithsadie@gmail.com. Alternatively, you can stop me in the hallways of UPEI and see how bright red my face turns! 

Q:  I really hate the taste of condoms.  They're disgusting, like I'm sucking on a latex glove.  Is there any way around this? - Signed, In Poor Taste 

A:   There are a couple of options you have here.  If you're with a monogamous partner and you've both been tested by a doctor for STI's, there is no need for a condom.  Oral sex does not lead to pregnancy, therefore it would only be STI's you're worried about.  If you are giving blow jobs to someone you may not think is monogamous or has not been tested (don't trust your gut,ask him!) then you should definitely strap one on him.  There are plenty of flavoured condoms out there.  Pick your favourite taste and go to town, risk free! 

Q:  My lover and I have been having sex around town in public places.  We're running out of ideas!  Any help? - Signed, Public Domain 

A:  Oh, gross!  Were you two the ones I heard in the library study room?  That's just rude to the books.  Go home and shack up there. 

Q:  My girlfriend asked me to partake in her fantasy.  It involves tying me up for three days in her basement in a particularly - erm - degrading outfit.  Should I go along with it? - Signed, Carnally Concerned 

A:  No.  That would be defined as kidnapping.  Catscans are in order. 

Q:  I finally scored this chick I was after!  But when I got her in the sack, I couldn't get it up!  What's the deal? - Signed, Just a Softy 

A:  Ah yes, the Dan Dreiberg Syndrome (Watchmen?  Anyone?).  In any case, do not fret.  It's more likely nerves than anything.  What's probably happened is you've worked up to the moment of getting your crush into bed to the point where it's scary to think it's actually happening.  Just relax!  She obviously has feelings for you too.  Next time, just take a deep breath, don't hype it up, and don't overanalyse! 

If it's happening repeatedly, however, it is something you should talk to your doctor about.  Erectile dysfunction is NOT only present in aging males (contrary to popular belief).

If We Could Talk to the Taliban

By Henry Srebrnik

The 1967 musical “Doctor Dolittle” is the story of a doctor who learns from his pet parrot to talk to animals. The film starred Rex Harrison, Samantha Eggar, Anthony Newley and Richard Attenborough, and the song “Talk to the Animals” was performed in the film by Harrison.

Here are the first two stanzas, and the last, of the movie’s song:

If I could talk to the animals, just imagine it,

Chattin’ with a chimp in chimpanzee,

Imagine talking to a tiger, chatting with a cheetah,

What a neat achievement it would be!

If we could talk to the animals, learn all their languages,

I could take an animal degree,

I’d study elephant and eagle, buffalo and beagle,

Alligator, guinea pig, and flea!

If we could talk to the animals, learn their languages

Think of all the things we could discuss

If we could walk with the animals, talk with the animals,

Grunt and squeak and squawk with the animals,

And they could squeak and squawk and speak and talk to us.

Using the same tune, I’d like to introduce a song which might interest, among others, Barack Obama and Stephen Harper. It’s called “Talk to the Taliban.”

If I could talk to the Taliban, just imagine it,

Chattin’ with a Pashtun in Pashto

Imagine talking to an Afghan, chatting with a Chechen

What a neat achievement that would be!

If we could talk to the Taliban, learn what’s on their minds,

Some resolution just might be at hand.

We’d study history and culture, politics and nurture,

We’d speak to Mullah Omar and perhaps we’d see!

If we could talk to the Taliban, learn their languages,

Think of all the things we could discuss.

If we could walk with the Taliban, talk with the Taliban,

Negotiate a deal with the Taliban,

We might just leave Afghanistan!

Henry Srebrnik, a professor of political studies at UPEI, fancies himself a poet, but isn’t certain he actually subscribes to the views expressed in this parody.

Letters to the editor: sometimes we get them and don't put them online

Editor:

      The following represents the view of one Sociology class at the University of Prince Edward Island, who brainstormed on potential solutions to a continuing environmental crisis. Of particular concern to this generation is the lack of leadership around the many issues requiring immediate attention. We acknowledge that there are green initiatives being taken by larger governing bodies and organisations, but these initiatives will not work without the support of citizens in the global community. It is evident that the current economic crisis has put environmental issues on the back burner. 

      Despite the enormity of the challenge that lay ahead, we propose the following as a start to help preserve and restore our environment: 

 Finding new sources of sustainable energy, which require commitment to develop and maintain. We need to find alternative ways to utilize resources and materials. If we are not going to invest our money in green technology now there is no way we can go back once the damage has been done.

      Consumerism has taken over our lives and it has caused much damage to the environment. Today everything is commercialized and many of our material goods travel the globe before they reach our doorstep. These products leave a "global foot-print" the size of those countries that were enticed by the political economy of capitalism. Being proactive and taking a stand in how we use our resources and which products we choose to buy can help make a difference

       Education is the primary factor in solving environmental issues; it has the ability to change the way people think. We must take the initiative to learn about how we can make a difference. Making a difference could be as simple as recycling, buying locally, and using public transit. 

      There must be an individual commitment propelling community effort to change.  Everyday people have the ability to impact our global community on the local level.  Hence, we accept the slogan "think globally, act locally" and its call to action.  We know time is an important factor so we add the word "daily" to the slogan to reflect action now. We have the capacity to make our world a better place for present and future generations.

Katharine’s Great Geography Lesson

by Katharine MacDonald

In an effort to improve the geographical knowledge and international awareness of the UPEI student populace, MacDonald attempts to teach you about four new places you probably haven’t heard of (and neither have we).

In this week’s article, we’ll start with the ‘Barren, Cold Islands’ category.

1) The Kamchatka Peninsula, Sakhalin, & Kuril Islands, Far East Russia

Region within the Kamchatka and Sakhalin Oblast krai (state) on the Sea of Okhotsk

Main city: Petropavlovsk-Kamchatsky (198,000)

Travel expense: as low as $7028 one-way from Toronto

Once known to Muscovites as the ‘land of fire’ because of its abundant (160) volcanoes, the Kamchatka peninsula is the southernmost stretch of Arctic tundra in the world. Bears, wolves, foxes, ermine, and many more kinds of mammals and fish call this region home, thanks to the temperate climate, low population density and minimal land development. The area has been greatly disputed in recent history, with Sakhalin and the Kurils being claimed by both Russia and Japan for the past century and a half.

2) The Faeroe Islands (Føroyar), Denmark

Autonomous province in the North Atlantic Ocean

Main city: Tórshavn (19,400)

Travel expense: $1031 one-way from Charlottetown to Copenhagen (Expedia won’t give me a figure to get to Vágar airport)

Found half-way between Ireland and Iceland are the Faeroe (or Faroe) islands, a cluster of eighteen small, green, rugged isles. Roughly 40,000 people inhabit the islands, where fishing and sheep-herding are the most common occupations. The Faeroes are the only place in the world where Faroese, a Germanic language similar to Norwegian, is principally spoken. A separatist movement has been present for some time, though past referendums have kept the Islands under Danish jurisdiction.

3) Anticosti Island (Ile d’Anticosti), Quebec

Island municipality belonging to Côte-Nord in the Gulf of St. Lawrence

Main city: Port-Menier (266, mostly lighthouse keepers)

Travel expense: Apparently, no one flies there - check for yourself, it’s airport “YPN”

The Island of Anticosti only became part of Quebec in 1974. Before then, it had a string of owners: the Innu and Mi’kmaq, the French, Louis Jolliet, the British Empire, Gabriel-Elzéar Taschereau, and not so long ago, a chocolate maker by the name of Henri Menier. Since then, the 20th largest island in Canada has become a formidable destination for hunters and fishers who cherish its unspoiled forests and harbours.

4) Aleutian Islands, Alaska

Archipelago along the Bering Strait in the North Pacific Ocean

Main city: Unalaska (4,300)

Travel expense: as low as $1243 one-way from Toronto

The Aleutians, home to the Aleut people, became part of the United States in the late 1860's. Before this time, the Islands were claimed by Russia, evident from the dotting of Russian Orthodox churches in Aleutian communities. The 300 or so islands extend straight from Alaska to Russia, and are part of the Pacific Ring of Fire, to which Kamchatka and the Kurils also belong. 

Picking Brilliant Brains: The Always Incredible Anne Furlong

by Katelyn Dykstra-Dykerman

  For those of you who have yet to take a course from Dr. Anne Furlong –  run, don’t walk! I will allay the rumors now: She is a tough marker, she expects that students actually do their work, she is high-energy, and she is a complete riot! I have, since taking Research Methods with Ann, highly esteemed her, and spend a good many hours hanging out in her office, much to the dismay of my papers and assignments. 

      Anne grew up in Newfoundland, which you will soon discover if you are witness to her fabulous story-telling. She is absolutely brilliant at Newfoundlander accents (as well as various others which are just as amusing). However, Anne has had many excursions off The Rock, which have lead her to the position she is in now. First, in 1976, Anne went to Boston for a year to attend the school of fine arts at Boston University, after which she returned to St. John’s for two years, then off to Sackville (more Arts school), then to Toronto, where she spent three years working at Mark’s and Spencer’s (I must admit, I could definitely be convinced by Anne to buy an expensive pair of pants). When she returned to Newfoundland, Anne began her M.A. at MUN, during which she applied for the Rothermere Fellowship, which she received. The Rothermere allowed her to attend The University College London, and begin her PhD research in Linguistics, all expenses paid. Nice deal, I say!

      Interestingly, Anne had only ever taken three undergraduate Linguistics courses. Therefore, it is easy to see why her PhD took her from 1986 to 1995. It was also difficult for Anne because there was no one in North America who studied the same thing as she did. “Still”, she says, “there are very few people in North America who do what I do”.

      I asked Anne why she likes being a Professor. She laughs, “it’s particularly because, as Mark Twain says ‘my tongue is hinged in the middle and swings both ways’”.  But really it’s because, like many of us life-long university goers, the “interpretive impulse is satisfied through talking – it is how we discover meaning and significance”. “The challenge of teaching” she’d argue, is “you’re constantly discerning how others see and discover texts – it’s fun!”. Also, “most people who like teaching, like performing, but I’m a bit different because I like to have the audience up on stage with me – to play with, and to play back to me”

      I am about to embark out into the wonderful world of grad school, and Anne’s thoughts about teaching, learning and being an academic have made me even more excited to do that (if that were possible – holy crap!). She says “I love being a prof because I spend my life with the best minds going – alive or dead. Like Socrates says, “True knowledge exists in knowing you know nothing”. However, she does admit that there are things she does not like: “I don’t like marking [...] I don’t deal well with apprentice writing”. I am sure we all cringe at this comment, because I think back to my first-year papers, and I feel awful for the Profs who just shook their heads at my abominable use of commas and semi-colons.

      When speaking about the students in class that don’t really want to be there, Anne says; “you don’t realize how painful and difficulty it is to deal with disrespect for your life and passion”. So, I asked what advice Anne had for first-year students; “If you’re not having a really good time here, you’re in the wrong place – and it’s ok not to be here [...] If it’s fun, it always sustains you”.  

Favorite Book: Middlemarch by George Eliot. “It’s the most important book in my life. It has beautifully well-developed characters in Nineteenth-Century literature [...] It’s why I’m a prof [...] It taught me how to read”.

Favorite Movie: Babette’s Feast, because it’s about love and art. And also, it’s funny and touching.

Favorite Music: “At the moment, Spem in Alium. It’s a forty voice motet. I like Baroque music, choral music – renaissance. I like lots of other things as well, but that’s the stuff I always come back to”.

What would you do if you had Stephen Harper’s job right now?: “I’d probably hang myself”, she laughs. “I would do something no politician would do – I’d put governance ahead of politics. I’d put the money where it belongs; education, improving the social fabric, health and infrastructure. I’d build a best process where the best people in the political structure were running the country. In short, I want to make want to make the goal of governance to let people live with the dignity that befits a human being”.  

An Ethnography on Gingers

by Louise Cockram and Conor Leggott

With thanks, apologies and a roshambo challenge to South Park)

Anthropologists study different societies to understand cultures in their own context while discovering what it means to be human. Ginger people, however, seem to be underrepresented in anthropology and their distinct behaviours, practices and beliefs have yet to be studied extensively. Perhaps anthropologists are scared of igniting their fiery tempers or maybe Gingers are not exotic enough to warrant any serious study. We as anthropologists shall attempt to reverse this trend and delve into Ginger culture.

We have all seen them walking our streets, in our grocery stores and attending our classes: those with red hair, light skin and freckles. It is believed that this condition is caused by “Gingervitis”, a disease resulting from their having no souls. Most people in the civilized world view them as disgusting and generally dumber than ordinary people. They are marginalised and discriminated against because of their unusual hair-colour. They are often seen as “weedy” and having an uncontrollable temperament.

While the rest of the world is a dangerous place for Gingers, there appears to be one safe haven for these beings sometimes referred to as the “scum of the Earth”. Where is this crimson paradise? One would have to travel to the mysterious Island of Prince Edward.

On Prince Edward Island gingers seem to have achieved an almost cult-like status. This is probably born out of the frenzy surrounding Anne of Green Gables, the mythical figure whom all Islanders trace their lineage back to. Island mythology is rich with lore involving Gingers. A popular story is that in ancient days, non-Ginger babies were cast upon the cliffs as a plea for the gods to send them more carrot tops.

Such extreme idolatry for Gingers is also present around the globe. Pilgrims from as far away as Germany and Japan come to PEI annually to pay homage and catch a rare photograph of these redheads, or perhaps even Anne herself. While the real Anne passed into legend centuries ago, these worshippers often mistake everyday Gingers on PEI for the illustrious Green Gabler going so far as to photograph them and ask how Gilbert is doing.

PEI allows Gingers to live their lives without fear of discrimination and they are allowed to interact with other Islanders off-leash. At UPEI, the ginger community is thriving with red hair being seen as a major asset. Some believe that Gingers “are smarter than most hair colours”. This trend is also apparent by the fact that many of those we observed were not born ginger and had actually chosen to become redheads later in life. Those Ginger from birth told stories of precocious octogenarians suggestively stroking the redheads and mumbling prayers to their great ancestor.

Despite the veneration Gingers enjoy on PEI, they remain one of the most misrepresented groups in Western society. They are often portrayed negatively and are sometimes the victims of violence, particularly on November 20th, “National Kick a Ginger Day”. Perhaps people should follow the Island example and treat people of all hair colours favourably. Perhaps Gingers are no different from any other hair-colours - neither gods nor scum. Perhaps we simply create that difference in order to feel better about ourselves. 

Trapped with Game Theory

by Bethany Mayne

A small group of interested students and faculty were in attendance on Friday, March 13th in McDougall Hall for the first of a three part informal discussion series centered around the BBC documentary The Trap: What Happened to Our Dream of Freedom. 

The series is a joint presentation by the UPEI Philosophy Society and UPEI Psychology Arts and Sciences Society (PASS). It was organized and run by Charles Beaton, a 5th year philosophy/psychology student. Beaton, a lover of documentaries, says he had been interested in organizing an event like this for a while and had been looking for the right documentary to feature. The Trap incorporates many topics relevant to psychology, psychiatry, game theory, philosophy, economics and politics, opening the floor for discussion and debate among students and faculty from different departments.  

The Trap consists of three one-hour programmes which explore the concept of freedom in Western society and how a narrow, limited definition of freedom could be controlling us. The first part of the documentary, entitled “Fuck You Buddy”, examined the rise of game theory and its effects on economic thought. The title comes from a game invented by John Nash, whose work with mathematical models of human behaviour won him the Nobel Prize in Economics. His models worked based on the assumption that human beings are inherently suspicious and selfish creatures that constantly strategize against one another. The game theory model and Nash's beliefs on human nature have been used far and wide, from models of family interactions to Cold War politics.  

The documentary was well done and full of information, but it was the open discussion where things got really interesting. Dr. Malcolm Murray, UPEI's own “game theory guru”, was in attendance and shared his knowledge with the group. While game theory was presented in a rather poor light in the documentary, Murray argued that game theory is a simply a tool, which could be used in positive or negative ways. His expertise laid the foundation, while Beaton led the discussion through a wide range of topics. Everyone was given opportunity to voice their thoughts and opinions, and there was not a moment of dead air.  

I am far from an expert in philosophy or politics, but I very much enjoyed the discussion. I agree wholeheartedly with Beaton: “The most interesting thing about university is talking to people”. The documentary served as a great medium to start discussion, and it was very interesting to hear thoughts, opinions and reactions about the issues raised. Gavin Hall, a 1st year history and political studies student attended the session, and said “It was a great presentation… and it was fantastic to have Professor Murray there to bring to light the biases in the documentary. I look forward to the next installment!” 

The series continues on March 20th and 27th in room 328 in McDougall Hall and is open to all students and faculty who wish to attend. It begins at 2:30 pm.

The Everyone Else

By Connor Simpson

The day after an election is never easy for the Opposition. They've collected their posters, and been left to stew for two days while their fate is left in the hands of the students. The students that they've been fighting to represent. They ask themselves questions about their campaign like, "were my posters appeasing? Did I talk to enough people? What if I had worn that tie? I look good in that tie, it brings out my eyes."  

The problem with an election is that someone has to lose. Asher, Ali and Nic are all a bit quieter today. They don't have to campaign anymore. They don't have to respond to anymore questions, except mine. They can rest knowing that they fought for what they believe in. I asked them all for a few parting words for everyone and here are the messages I got:  

Ali, "First, I'd like to congratulate all the winners! Second, I would like to thank all those who voted and made it their mission to express their opinion. I am extrememly happy, and consider this voter turn out as a personal success. I also encourage you all to stay current with Student Union issues, make sure to be proactive, and keep in touch with your representatives. 

The students have selected their new Union, and I sincerely hope and wish them the best. Thank you for all the support, and let's make sure the trend is kept alive for the years to come." 

Asher, "I would like to congratulate all the winners and thank everyone for voting. Now that we have our new Executive it is time to support them in realizing their bold vision.

Let this high voter turn out be a sign to everyone that UPEI students do care. All we (the union) need to do is reach out and engage them." 

And, last but certainly not least, Nic Frost, "I guess all I can say is that it is too bad, my team and I had countless projects underway that I really wanted to work on. I'd like to thank all the people who helped on my campaign. I'd like to also congratulate Tim on his win, and wish him all the best luck for next year. Also, surprisingly, I would really like to thank the Semantic for their absolutely professional coverage of the election. I thought you all did a great job giving all candidates a fair shake and I know what paper I will be reading next year." 

See everyone again next year. Hey, maybe I'll run for something?

(No he won’t.  He will stay with the paper.  -Ed.)

The Winner

By Connor Simpson

After two long days of voting, the waiting is over.  

The real waiting, the kind that makes the back of your neck itchy, or that makes you rock back and forth like a crazy person, began after the polls closed on Wednesday night. The voting came to a stop at nine o'clock. The scrutineers reported to the Student Union offices, the doors were locked, and we all waited. We sat and watched our cell phones and computer screens, waiting for them to light up with the news, with at least a name. Expecting an announcement around ten o'clock, word trickled out that the election had a 50.4% voter turn out, a personal best for the UPEI student body. But that meant that the ballot counting would take even longer, which meant more waiting for us, and the candidates. 

My cell phone exploded with the news at 12:14 AM. Texts rolled in, "Tim - Jrod - Shawn." And we had our executive.  

The first name is the one that really matters. He's our unifier, our leader, our mouth. He is the one who is assigned the duties of playing with our money, making it rain on whatever cause or concern we have.  

Tim Cullen, our newly elected president, is ready for the job.  

He wouldn't confirm if he was suffering from any victory-celebration after-effects. When asked if he was hungover, Tim, the consummate politician, responded with, "no comment." 

Joking aside, he was having trouble processing his win. "It's difficult to describe the feeling you get when you know that other people really voted for you to actually do something," he said. "To be bestowed this honer is really something, and to know that so many people turned out to vote and be a part of an election that clearly generated a lot of enthusiasm and interest in the student union on behalf of the student body, I'm thrilled."  

He officially begins his term as president on May first, a day he looks forward to. He plans on spending the summer holed up in the dark corners of the Student Union office, scrubbing away any pesky stains and familiarizing himself with the policy handbook so that when the rest of us come back, we have a spiffy, shiny new Student Union ready to, "hit the ground running."  

He isn't quick to forget about his many opponents that he blew through to assume his post. "I'm not one to abandon an idea just because it wasn't mine. I'm plan to pursue parts of their platforms that students seemed interested in," he said. "I intend to get in touch with each of them over the next few days and see how they can be involved next year in some of the things that they were interested in doing."  

Tim understands that he has a lot of work ahead of him, but he's also very excited, and honored, to step up to the challenges that lay ahead. We, the public, are more than excited to watch what happens next. The ball's in your court, sir.

Cold and Wet: Wading through the North Lakes

by Patrick Weeks

Established but several months ago, the North Lakes are making waves not just around town, but nationally.  Their recent single has scored plays on CBC Radio 3, putting them on the same page as Boxer the Horse and Sam Roberts.  In their first official interview, Patrick Weeks asks tough questions, laments being a hipster.

Semantic: Explain your origins!

Michael Carver: We all play in other bands around town, and one day I contacted Nathan Gill to start a more folk inspired band. My new friend, lil'buddy aka Gillian (Arsenault, from the Barnkats) was invited and thus we became a nameless band that played in my basement. Once we had a song or two down we invited bassist Chris (Francis, of New Royalty and Urban Eatery fame), to the group. 

    Group name ideas were thrown around, but it was my persistent nature to "The North Lakes" that made this group of clueless wonders deeper in thought than they appear. In my mind "The North Lakes" name is based off the fact that the group creates music in this basement, which if you stand on a box, look out the window, and lean to the right you can see Charlottetown's North River. We make music by the North River. The North Rivers sucks. The North Lakes, less suck, more obscure "indie" name, like Balloon Trees. Balloon Trees, now there's a name. 

The Semantic: First, I know that you've been working a single recently and that it has gone up on your Myspace page. I'm curious to know which groups directly influence your music, particularly on this new single, and what sort of mood you think it emits?

Nathan Gill: Groups? Group of Seven, maybe. I'm not sure on the mood. I'd imagine the listener will dictate the mood rather than anything I could suggest. I would hope it would be greeted with a nodding head and a smirk. I think we all have a lot of musical influences though. Quite varied. I think it's too early to tell how any of them will impact our music. 

MC: Our influence - I don't think could be narrowed down to anyone group or artist. Within our group there are so many different tastes coming together that it shouldn't work, but it does. Folk, blues, pop, could-be-pop, unknown instrumentals, the illusive "indie" term.  

   For me, Cold Ottawa Wind (the single) allows people to paint their own image, sing along, and move their feet. I wouldn't want to predict what mood it should present people with, but let them find their own. 

Semantic: So do you think "indie" is a four letter word, in terms of self labeling?  

NG: Yes, I do. I'd rather avoid the term, really. Granted, if we're indie we're indie. I just mean I don't want to say that's what we are because it's what people want to hear. I'm not sure what we're categorized as yet, assuming indie is used as a categorization / genre. 

MC: I think I know what "indie" means, or well tries to mean. I think the term meant something different a year or two ago than it does now. I always thought, in music at least, that indie meant independent or informal not belonging to or affiliated with a major record. I think more recently indie has taken over music, lifestyle, and clothing. For my understanding indie is a unpolished or uncommercialized style of 'blank', be it music, clothes, or what you're eating for dinner. I guess I am confused with indie right now as certain clothing styles, which were once considered indie, are now mass produced. 

   As far as indie music taking on a new definition than just being independent of a major record label - I think it has. I think the majority of indie kids would be hard pressed to define what indie music is, but they all seem to know at the same time. We play what sounds good to us, and we're not very good at labeling our genre. How about, indie folk. 

I wear grampa sweaters, and dress shirts which are on their second life. I was told I am indie. I don't ask questions. 

Semantic: Well, as you are without a record label I would say that you are indie in the most literal sense of the word. How are you expecting your shows on the mainland will go over with audiences, and what are your plans for touring in the future? 

NG: I'm excited for them. I'll hand touring plans off to Carver. 

MC: I enjoy taking on the managing aspects of the bands I play in, and thus I have with The North Lakes. We're coming along with our shows, fine tuning each song. As far as touring we're not, but we have a couple shows coming up in Halifax, and we're looking to Fredericton as well. 

The North Lakes' next scheduled Island show is June 7th at Babas. You can find more information and their latest single at 

myspace.com/thenorthlakes.  

Patio Vs. Carver: School's Almost Finished Edition

Hey guys, the semester is almost over and I haven't lined up a summer job. What do you suggest I do? Signed - Jeremy Jobless

P: Get a sweet job on campus, or become a prostitute like me.

C: Write for The Semantic. (don't you dare edit this out, Kate! MY VOICE WILL BE HEARD)

[It’s worth noting that (a) we definitely don’t get paid to do this, and (b) there will be no Summer Semantics, but I won’t edit it out anyways. -Ed.]

I don't want to be stuck in an office all summer, I want to see the world and travel. Where should I go, guys? Signed – Patrick Callbeck

P: You could do the whole backpacking in Europe thing, or you could just go to DISNEY WORLD! Oh Wait! I am going backpacking in Europe. 

C: You, and three friends may have the once and a week lifetime opportunity of hanging out with me, Carver. Send your cash only lump sum of $150 to B.O Pox 1289 Chicago, IL. You too can experience such attractions as: Watch me nap, grocery shopping, and playing Settlers of Catan.

Summer is soooo soon and I need your help! I need to lose weight so I can look good at the beach! Any suggestions? Signed – Arnold “Which Way To The Beach” M-Schwartz-cDonald

P: Just don't eat until summer. I bet you'll lose a couple pounds. 

C: ^False, Patio. You want to lose a couple 'lbs' by beach season? TOO LATE! It's always beach season somewhere. (joking) But seriously, send your cash only lump sum to.....

Exams are coming up and I think I am going to fail all of them! What should I do?!

P: IF ANYONE KNOWS...please phone me at....

C: Run for an Student Union Executive position next year

Picking Brilliant Brains

Dr. Malcolm Murray: 

Philosopher and Writer Extraordinaire

Semantic writer Katelyn Dykstra-Dykerman continues her series in interviewing UPEI Profs

First, lovely readers, I must apologise. I did hope to have this interview out before the big debate (If you didn’t go – SHAME!), but owing to reasons previously stated by our dear editor (see: wretched illness on part of all staff - Ed.), this did not happen. Please forgive me.

Let me introduce Dr. Malcolm Murray.  I will begin by stating that I have had the distinct pleasure of directing one of Malcolm’s plays (and if you didn’t come see “Chop Wood, Carry Water” last semester, then double SHAME!!). So, as  tradition over the last couple of issues, I jumped on an opportunity to grill Malcolm for purely selfish reasons.

Malcolm grew up in Quebec as an Anglophone. He attended a small high school, before heading off to CEGEP. Malcolm admits to having a bit of attitude in school. In fact, there are two stories I want to relay;

1) After receiving a paper back which was very harshly graded, Malcolm decided that he would correct the professor’s grading. So, he corrected the corrections and handed it back.

2) Malcolm decided he did not agree with being graded for work at all, so one year in his undergrad he just didn’t hand in any assignments. He attended the lectures and did the readings, but felt that he should not have to be assessed. Luckily, when he realized that he would not be able to go back to university, he relented. 

Malcolm did his undergraduate in stops and starts. He changed paths a number of times, to settle into a degree in Psychology and Philosophy after 11 years. During those 11 years, he got married to his wife, Pat, and had his daughter, Emma. After having a family Malcolm decided to continue his schooling, and get his M.A. and PhD (both at Waterloo). After which, in the same week, he gave two papers, defended his PhD, and got accepted to cover a one-year sabbatical in Red Deer. After Red Deer, Malcolm took some sessional positions at Waterloo and Wilfred Laurier before coming to UPEI.

Malcolm’s main passion is research. In fact, it is the reason he decided to become a professor. Malcolm has published three academic books: Critical Reflection (2005), Liberty, Game and Contracts (2007), The Moral Wager (2007).  We are also excited awaiting the publication of Malcolm’s fourth book; The Atheist Primer. Aside from all of his academic work,  Malcolm also writes creatively. He began writing poetry in CEGEP, but it “became more prosaic”, so he moved to short fiction, and then plays. Malcolm has won two island literary awards; one for short fiction and one for playwriting.    

Favourite Movie: Wings of Desire, directed by Wim Wenders. 

Favourite Book: Recently, I really liked People of Paper by Salvador Plascencia.

Favourite Music: Minimalist: John Adams, "Shaker Loops."

Neo-classical: Henryk Gorecki, "Symphony No. #3 (Symphony of sorrowful Songs)"

Jazz: John Coltrane: "Blue Train."

Jazz fusion: St. Germaine, "Tourist"

Patio vs. Carver: Election Edition

Q: Why are Will Farrell and Harvey Dent running for president?! They don't even go here, and one of them is fictional! - Jack Frost

P: I don't know man, this is news to me. I wouldn't mind if Harvey Dent was our president though. For the half of that batman movie i saw he seemed like a stellar guy!

C: Why so serious, man?

Q: Who do you think is the hottest student running for office? - Pater Porter

P: Me. *brushes shoulders off*

C: See above. 

Q: Why do people have such a problem with executive having BlackBerries? - 902-620-1247

P: Deh r jus jelus dat exec cAn go on MSn froM there fones!1!11! Jus like me!11 :) D: :0 lol jk no but srsly.

C: Bet they wouldn't complain if exec used carrier pidgeons.

Q: I heard Obama is running for prez! I saw his posters up all over the school! Is this true? - canadian_obama_fan4evar_734

P: He was, until he heard who was running against him.

C: Vote Ryan Gallant!!....Five more years! Five More years!

Keep It Fuckin' Evil: Buried Inside Interview Pt 1

by Matt Dixon

I'm in the process of interviewing Ottawa hc/punk mainstay Buried Inside. I first fell in love with the band during a show at the legendary House of Rock in Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island back in 2001. I remember being lost in the crowd as the house turned red and orange with the power of the music and the fire of the ideas that were being expressed within it. It seemed like the walls would come crashing down at any moment as the vocalist (who had previously been striking a massive gong in the middle of the room) ascended piles of amps and delivered his sermon of ethically conscious screams to a wild audience. The band has a new record out; a follow up to the 2005 epic "Chronoclast" entitled "Spoils of Failure". This is part one. The full interview will appear on my webzine JUNNNKTANK.com later this month.

You're poised to released your third full length album, The Spoils of Failure.  Could you explain the evolution of the band from where you began to the point you have reached now?

Spoils Of Failure is actually our fourth record. I suppose you could put In And Of The Self under the 'demo' category, but yeah... fourth recording anyway. 

That's a harder question to answer than it seems I think. We've definitely evolved as musicians and people. I'd like to think our records have become more focused and structurally stronger, and obviously we've worked with different people to record both Chronoclast and Spoils of Failure, so the records sound much better. 

But the essence of the band has always been to write music that challenges us creatively and that is honest and from our hearts. I feel like we wear our emotions on our collectice sleeves musically, and that's maybe what sets us apart at times. Our records tend to be very emotionally driven and each one seems to have an overall mood to it, whether intentional or not. For Spoils of Failure people keep asking why it's such a sad record for example, whereas Chronoclast was more triumphant. 

Your 2005 album "Chronoclast" has been characterized as a concept album; can you put into words the focus of the new album, Spoils of Failure? What can we expect thematically from your latest work?

When we wrote Chronoclast, we knew in advance what we wanted to accomplish. We wanted to abandon the typical structures and rules of pop music and sort of follow the more classical structures, along the lines of a movie score. We wanted to make one long piece with re-occurring themes and ideas, both muscially and lyrically. 

For Spoils Of Failure, we didn't want to write the same record again, so our intent was almost the opposite. We wanted to write a collection of pieces that could really stand on their own... we wanted each one to be as powerful and as moving as the one before it. 

Lyrically there's always been an underlying theme in this band that dates back to our first record, which is simply the use and abuse of power, whether over a person or an entire people. While Chronoclast dealt with a very specific topic under this broad theme, the new record covers several different elements of it. 

You've been going strong for over ten years now. I would like to know your thoughts on the current state of the Ottawa hc/punk community. What have your experiences been in Ottawa, both good and bad, and what do you think is the biggest challenge facing the music community?

When this band started out we were all really involved in the Punk community. Nick and Matias were putting on shows, some of us were running record distros, Steve and Matias were doing radio shows, I was recording a lot of Ottawa bands' records back then... It was a pretty tight nit group of music lovers back then. I'm not sure that that's changed, but as we got older and especially once we started touring pretty heavily, we weren't around as much and other people began to take over those things. So in a sense we're not as involved to the same extent, but I think it's as strong as ever in Ottawa. There are a lot of really good bands coming out of Ottawa and bands of all different genres. 

 

The biggest challenge in the underground music community to me is the popularity of some of the commercial "punk" bands. Some of them are of the most transparent and void music I've heard in my life. Business oriented people presenting themselves as bands, labels, etc., expoiting a pretty sacred culture and making it into some sort of marketing machine for Hot Topic or whatever. Next we're gonna see some of these bands persuing legal action against kids that download their music. Honestly, I think the Backstreet Boys are more genuine than a lot of those bands.

You mentioned that you have toured quite extensively in the past. With this in mind is it difficult to take time off and seemingly put life on hold to go on tour? How are you able to handle it monetarily, emotionally, and do you still bring that big gong with you?

It can definitely be hard to get everything in order to go out and tour over the course of several months. On the last record, 3 of us were living at home, I was forced to quit my job where I had been for several years. It's not an easy lifestyle and I think many people think it's a breeze. We'd be home for 3 weeks or so at a time between long tours and I was doing some pretty shitty jobs here and there, washing dishes and working at a paper factory. But at the same time, it's such a great experience to be able to travel the world and play your music for people who love it.

 

This time around we're older and have more committments that make it a little tougher, so as a result we're very picky about which tours we're willing to do.

 

And unfortunately, the gong has seen it's last days.

Matt Dixon has left Charlottetown for the wilds of Korea. He runs a webzine called JUNNNKTANK.com 

Jigger's: An Early Review

By Mikey Wasnidge

When local island filmmaker Adam Perry set out to make his modestly budgeted, independent web-series Jiggers, he had a grant given to him by Tech PEI and handful of very talented friends. After being invited to preview the full 90 minute project that has now been in production for almost a year, I was thrilled! Up until that point I had only had the pleasure of seeing the skillfully edited trailers, which only prompted high expectations and a lack patience on my part. Now the show, which originally advertised a fall release date, is being premiered on April 3!  

Jiggers tells the story of John Paul, a quiet, childishly naïve man who aspires to become a professional step dancer, despite his dangerous respiratory illness. Though discouraged to pursue his dream by his caring sister Esther, he teams up with an earnest, but comically erratic rapper, Stanley Newman. The duo, played by Sketch 22’s Lennie Macpherson and Graham Putnam, become determined to take their fusion of traditional step dancing and hip hop on the road, and to do so, are taken on by an indescribably hilarious manager, ‘Slender Tips’ Doucette, played by Profile PEI star, Jeremy Larter.  

This series will show you what the talent on PEI is capable of. Adam Perry transforms the familiar landscapes of Prince Edward Island into a beautiful backdrop for this story of friendship and determination. The cast all bring something to the table, whether it is the way Jill McCrae plays a hearing impaired character without any sense of mockery, or the way that Lennie MacPherson can set the tone of a scene with just an awkward glare from John Paul. The performer who shines the most though, or at least provides the most laughs, is Jaremy Larter. His portrayal of Slender Tips Doucette will have you laughing at every line, but is arguably the most believable. The cinematography of Jiggers is the best I have ever seen to come out of PEI, and it is because of this reason that I am positive this will gain national attention. The lighting, camera angles, costumes, and vibrancy of colors in this web series indicate anything but amateur work here. If I were to warn you of anything about this film, it would be that this show does not fit into any one category. Be prepared to laugh at this series, but also be open to watching entire episodes made up of very sentimental interactions. I assure you that Perry and his team are destined for bigger projects, and I cannot wait to re-watch each episodes from week to week.  

You will be able to find these short 8-9 minute episodes every week at www.Jiggers.ca. If you are interested in watching the trailers, I advise you to look for them on YouTube because they are likely to turn you into as big of a fan as I am. I hope everyone checks out the series premiere on April 3 and support local artists. 

Bill O'Reilly's Blacklisted Fairy Tales: Keeping America's Children Safe

By Patrick Weeks

Bobby Shafto 

Christmas is Coming 

Cock Robin 

Diddle Diddle Dumpling, My Son John 

Dong, Dong, Dongdaemun 

Foxy's Hole 

Girls and Boys Come Out to Play 

Goosey Goosey Gander 

Hot Cross Buns 

Hey Diddle Diddle 

Hickory Dickory Dock 

I Love Little Pussy 

Nuts in May 

Pretty Little Dutch Girl 

Ride a Cock Horse 

Tom, Tom, the Piper's Son 

Wee Willie Winkie 

What Are Little Boys Made of?

Beatrix Potter by Chuck Palahniuk

By Patrick Weeks

Lucie witnesses Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle gagging herself with handkerchiefs and  gradually develops a coughing fetish. Kicked out by her puritanical parents, she begins licking telephone booths in hopes of contracting hay-fever (to no avail). Living on the street, Lucie joins the sex-trade and contracts HIV. Alone in her apartment having developed pneumonia, she dies happy.  

Benjamin Bunny grows up with a distant father who often utilizes corporal punishment. After the trauma of being trapped under Mr. MacGregor’s cat with his cousin Peter, Benjamin begins to associate lack of control with his developing sexual identity. Scared and confused, he lives in fear of his father discovering the real reason his cane goes missing regularly. Years later, “B” brings home his boyfriend Todd and reveals his “Bitch” tattoo to Mom and Dad.  

After losing her first clutch of eggs to wild dogs and half of her second due to, “bad nerves,” Jemima Puddle-Duck is certified by the Department of Child Services as an unfit mother. Her surviving progeny become wards of the state, and Jemima is confined to a residence for the mentally unstable. Hopped up on Xanax, she hoards eggs from the residence cafeteria. In exchange for regular “beak jobs,” her psychiatrist approves her release, whereupon she immediately finds a pet store, buys a puppy, and devours it.

The Maverick

"There's some changes I wanted made and this seemed like the best way to go about it," says Nic Frost - and a better line to explain his campaign could not be uttered.  Change is the mandate for Frost.  Frost's campaign, focused around campus food provider Chartwell's ineptitude (the poor service, the expense, and the lack of choice, specifically), aims to rid UPEI of the five year contract that we are currently three years into.  He also wants to regulate salt distribution on Brown's Court (which, this reporter can attest to, is really a breeding ground for terrible accidents.  Soooo slippery.), remedy the poor internet connection in Residence, and also, stop "secret referendums" such as the UPASS referendum that tacked on another $25 to student fees.  Frost will do pretty much anything that students ask - be it for the better or worse.

  I didn’t know Nic Frost.  I still don’t, actually.  This third year Sociology major took a lot of people for surprise when he decided to run this year.  And why not?  The dude has not been active in SU politics, in fact, he hasn't been involved in campus politics at all since he began university.  Skeptics, don't be so quick to judge: neither did current SU president Justin Douglas before assuming office in September of this year.  While he is not yet a big name at UPEI, he has been making quite the profile for himself.

He's a nice dude though.  He was hesitant to point out the flaws of the student union in our interview - a position he has since abandoned without remorse.  "I'm not really familiar with their work, they don't seem to be very visible on campus".  That invisibility must've spurned Frost into action.

Frost’s facebook group is far and away the most popular of the current SU candidates.  Whether or not this is an indication of his support is unknown, however most consider ‘facebook polling’ to be wildly inaccurate.  This stems from the ability to invite whomever, regardless of whether or not they can vote.  His campaign, his platform has been under some criticism for being simultaneously thin and too grandiose.   Frost’s campaign promises include increasing internet access in residence (which is currently plagued by the miserable Resnet) “I think if they knew how we roll, maybe they could understand that this platform will be completed BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY”

Frost's temperament itself seems to take after his Top Gun namesake.  One on one, he's incredibly kind, gentle, and unassuming (claims she who interviewed him) - however, and somewhat intimidatingly, some who have spoken against him have felt the wrath of Nic Frost.  Kate Vangerven, current arts representative and Panther Post sports editor, left a message on the wall of his election campaign outlining her perceived problems with Frost's Chartwells platform.  Immediately discredited by Frost as an "Asher crony", which could be entirely possible, but then went on to embarrass and degrade her (seemingly intelligent, argues this reporter) remarks.  Er, hope he doesn't plan to do that if he gets into office.

But hey, to his credit, his posters are pretty nice.  Who doesn't like Will Farrell?

Thieves Burgle the Home of Award-Winning Hobo

The ECMA’s in Cornerbrook went swimmingly for PEI’s Grass Mountain Hobos, a group that has only been together for less than two years. The Hobos got to play for new audiences and walked away with the award for Bluegrass Recording of the Year.

But when he returned home to his Euston Street apartment, Hobos fiddler Gordie Mackeeman found that his place had been broken into. Thankfully, Gordie had taken the fiddle he uses to perform with him to Newfoundland. However, thieves made off with another fiddle and a mandolin.

The stolen fiddle has a blonde finish and is unstrung. The inside of the fiddle has the name Percy Haines. It is handmade and is worth a lot to Gordie. The stolen mandolin is a Johnson f-shape. Anyone with information about the theft or the instruments’ current whereabouts should contact Gordie, who can be reached at gordie@nudieandtheturks.com. It is the opinion of this reporter that mandolin theft is the worst kind of theft, and that this nefarious act should not go unpunished.

In addition to his work with the Grass Mountain Hobos, Gordie Mackeeman also plays with the country group Nudie and the Turks. Both bands’ cds can be found at Back Alley Music on University Avenue.